Chapter 6: Lynda, My Love
I want to take a moment to share a little more about my soulmate, Lynda.
We met on a Friday night in June, 1972. My buddies had brought me to a night club in New York for a night of dancing and a few drinks. We were too young to drink in Connecticut, but it was different in New York. So we made the 60 minute trip to the Fore N Aft for a night of fun.
We walked into the bar and of course had to check out the chicks LOL! Hey, we were 19 years old, what else were we going to do? John and Rick went to the right side of the bar, I went left. And there she was.
She was standing up on the balcony, blue suede hot pants, white boots and a tank top. It was like I was struck by lightning! Lynda tells me she saw me as well and went looking for me. Next thing she knew, I was tapping her on the shoulder asking her to dance. She was a nursing student at Norwalk hospital at the time and lived in Bridgeport, I lived in Waterbury.
It was an hour drive to her school, a 40 minute ride to her house. It didn’t matter. I immediately fell in love. I knew that night that someday we’d get married if I had anything to say about it.
Lynda was a special soul, funny, bright, warm and caring. Plus she was Italian and full of passion. A perfect partner for me. She deserved to be loved, and I was up to the task. We made a date for that following Sunday. I got lost and was an hour late for our first date, a sign of my lack of perception of time that Lynda chose to ignore LOL.
We were married a year and a half later. It would be the start of a story full of ups and downs, with plenty of happy moments, and just as many challenges. At the end of the day, the one thing that always prevailed, was our love for each other.
It was a learning process for both of us. We came from totally different backgrounds. Lynda had a sister and two brothers. Her mom stayed home with the kids, while her dad worked rotating shifts at the local steel mill, or hell (same thing). They lived in a rent in the north end of Bridgeport.
My dad owned his own furniture store, did interior design, and had a small custom drapery workshop. We lived in a quiet neighborhood near some farmland, surrounded with woods.
Their lives were more scheduled, with mealtime at the same time every night, 5:00. Mine was totally opposite. Being self employed, we ate whenever my dad came home. It was different every night, but usually somewhere between 7:00 and 9:00.
Lynda graduated from nursing school as an RN, and worked in the hospital. I took a year of business at the community college. But my heart wasn’t in it. I had always planned on being a rock star, then I met Lynda. As a result, I never had really thought of any profession. I just followed where my life took me.
When we got married, I was working for my dad, installing draperies, but being an entrepreneur at heart, I always found ways to make extra money. Growing up at the time of the Vietnam War and Woodstock, I felt there was a lot of unrest in the world. That and the fact I was an artist at heart, I never felt any calling to any profession, or had any other interests besides music, but always had a feeling that I had a purpose other than what I was doing. But I had learned from my years with the band and the impact of the music of the times, to put one foot in front of the other, always forge ahead, and see where your life takes you.
I don’t quite think that’s what Lynda had in mind for security, but things always seemed to work out, even if it was by the skin of our teeth LOL. Neither one of us had ever lived by ourselves, had any responsibilities, or had to balance a checkbook. Yet, here we were, looking for a place to live after the wedding. Our thought was to find a rent with option to buy. We bought a house instead.
The real estate agent saw us coming, and sold us a cute raised ranch on an acre of land. We were a 1/2 mile from the lake, woods all around, and a SWAMP for a back yard? It was February when we looked at the house, so we wouldn’t find that out till the spring. On the bright side, this was a great place for our kids to play, catch frogs, and explore. Our first child was born a year later. Our learning curve was steep! I could never understand why Lynda was always self conscious about her appearance and abilities.
When at nursing school, she was always dieting with her best friend, doing anything possible to lose weight. The funny thing was, she was never overweight. It was more about self image and perception. I wouldn’t find out until years later. I do remember her brothers driving her poor mom crazy, always causing some mischief LOL, and the difficulty she had coping with them, but never connected her behavior with what Lynda was experiencing. Lynda was also a nail biter.
I was too young and inexperienced to understand the pain and angst she felt. Maybe it was because I only had one sister, and she was 10 years older than me. So between her looking over me, and a super protective mom, I never had any lack of love. Quite the contrary. I couldn’t wait to get out on my own, have some freedom, and make my own mistakes. Boy, did I make up for lost time.
To camouflage the damage from nail biting, Lynda resorted to wearing glue on nails. We never gave the adhesive any thought until years later. We wouldn’t become suspicious of that until many years later. Looking back, I realize I wasn’t always the most responsible. I mean I took care of my day to day matters. There was always food in the house, working phones and electricity, and a roof over our head. But I was never one to think ahead and plan for tough times.
Lucky for me, I could always think on my feet, make the best of a bad situation, and somehow come our ok. But Lynda needed more. I just didn’t see it or understand her needs. But she always stood by my side, no matter what. I didn’t realize it at the time, but these things would be all part of a very complex story There would be other pieces of the puzzle.
The years of yoyo dieting has caused disruption of her inner terrain. Adding to this was years of birth control pills, a few rounds of antibiotics, and years of un-managed stress.
Hey we all knew the establishment lied, and over exaggerated these claims, so who paid attention to warnings! But inflammatory processes were causing damage behind the scenes. All of these things were forgotten until decades later. Little did we know, that a perfect storm was brewing.
In the next chapter, I’ll reveal our next wake up call.